Recently, Gaurav started listening to this audio book titled "How to talk so kids will listen and Listen so kids will talk". He liked it very much and suggested that I read it too. He put it on kindle for me to take when I went on a business trip couple of weeks back. While I was able to only read first couple of chapters, it did inspire me to be more patient when dealing with kids.
One of the evenings this week, I gave a 50-in-a-minute sheet to Kavya for practice (They have these sheets with 50 addition/subtraction problems for various levels and they try to complete those in 90 seconds). Now, Ishaan loves Math and is also able to do these problems - although not as fast. He was working on a lower level sheet at the same time. He kept talking while he was doing it and that bothered Kavya since she was being timed. She got mad, shouted at Ishaan, threw her pencil and walked out crying. Ordinarily, we would be upset with Kavya for being upset about such a small thing. But for a change, I asked Gaurav to keep Ishaan away and went and talked patiently with Kavya without being mad. I hugged her and let her cry a little. I told her that even with all that disturbance, she was doing fine and would have completed the sheet with plenty of time left. In a little while, she opened up and started talking.
She said that Ishaan was learning things much faster than she did at his age. Like he learned to bike without training wheels at 4.5 years age, while she learned it when she was 5.5 yrs and that he was also so good at Maths. I told her not to compare like that and that Ishaan is learning fast because of her... that he looks up to her and wants to do the same things as her. I told her she was smart and that she is older and can do the Math problems much faster.
That was when I realized 2 things :
I am going to try and practice listening more !!
Often times its hard.. but the hope is practice will make it easier
One of the evenings this week, I gave a 50-in-a-minute sheet to Kavya for practice (They have these sheets with 50 addition/subtraction problems for various levels and they try to complete those in 90 seconds). Now, Ishaan loves Math and is also able to do these problems - although not as fast. He was working on a lower level sheet at the same time. He kept talking while he was doing it and that bothered Kavya since she was being timed. She got mad, shouted at Ishaan, threw her pencil and walked out crying. Ordinarily, we would be upset with Kavya for being upset about such a small thing. But for a change, I asked Gaurav to keep Ishaan away and went and talked patiently with Kavya without being mad. I hugged her and let her cry a little. I told her that even with all that disturbance, she was doing fine and would have completed the sheet with plenty of time left. In a little while, she opened up and started talking.
She said that Ishaan was learning things much faster than she did at his age. Like he learned to bike without training wheels at 4.5 years age, while she learned it when she was 5.5 yrs and that he was also so good at Maths. I told her not to compare like that and that Ishaan is learning fast because of her... that he looks up to her and wants to do the same things as her. I told her she was smart and that she is older and can do the Math problems much faster.
That was when I realized 2 things :
- How important it is to give your kids a chance to open up !! Being patient and keeping ears open with welcoming arms is so important - especially in our fast paced lives !!
- We always assumed that Kavya was happy to see Ishaan's progress. Her previous reactions always suggested that. But I am glad she shared her thoughts that made us realize that she was seeing this as a competition. So, we need to be careful in our words and actions - try not to compare the kids and encourage each of them in their own ways. It also made us realize that although she is the older sister, she is still little !
I am going to try and practice listening more !!
Often times its hard.. but the hope is practice will make it easier
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